The Beginning of the end………….

October 11th, 2006

A friend gives you a horse… 
You build a small shelter…$750 
You fence in a paddock…$450 
Purchase small truck to haul hay…$12,000 
Purchase a 2 horse trailer…$2,800 
Purchase 2nd horse…$2,500 
Build larger shelter with storage…$2,000 
More fencing…$1,200 
Purchase 3rd horse…$3,000 
Purchase 4 horse trailer…$17,500 
Purchase larger truck…$23,000 
Purchase 4 acres next door…$38,000 
More fencing…$2,000 
Build small barn…$18,000 
Purchase camper for truck…$9,000 
Purchase tractor…$23,000 
Purchase 4th & 5th horse…$6,500 
Purchase 20 acres…$285,000 
Build house…$185,000 
Build barn…$56,000 
More fencing & corrals…$24,000 
Build covered arena…$182,000 
Purchase Dually…$44,000 
Purchase gooseneck w/living quarters…$45,000 
Purchase 6th, 7th & 8th horse…$10,750 
Hire full time trainer…$50,000 
Build house for trainer…$84,000 
Buy motor home for shows…$125,000 
Hire attorney — spouse leaving you for trainer…$35,000 
Declare bankruptcy, spouse gets everything. 
Friend feels sorry for you…gives you a horse…..

More horse buying humor………

October 11th, 2006

Event Prospect……….Big, Fast Horse
Dressage Prospect…….Big, Slow Horse
Hack Prospect………..Pretty Color
Sporting Prospect…….Short, Fast Horse
Eventing Prospect…….Ugliest head you ever saw
Camp Prospect………..Fast Horse which can turn
Endurance Prospect……Fast Horse which will turn sometimes
Flashy………………White Socks
Attractive…………. Bay
15.2hh………………14.3h
16.2hh………………15.3hh
To Loving Home Only…..Expensive
To Show Home Only…….Very Expensive
Needs Experienced Rider……..Potentially Lethal
Elegant……………..Thin
In Good Condition…….Foundered
Free Moving………….Bolts
Quiet……………….Lame in Both Front Legs
Dead Quiet…………..Lame in All Four Legs
Good in Traffic (Bombproof). Lame all Round, Deaf and Blind
Loves Children……….Kicks and Bites
Pony Type……………Small and Hairy
Arab Type……………Looks startled
TB Type……………..Looks Terrified
Quarter Horse Type……Fat
Warmblood Type……….Big and Hairy
Draught Type…………Big and Exceedingly Hairy
Easy to Catch………..Very Old
Must Sell……………Wife has left home and taking kids
All Offers Considered…I am in Traction for 6 months
Reluctant Sale……….Comes with Title Deeds to Sydney Harbor Bridge

Some Horse Buying Humor……

October 11th, 2006

Spirited-psychotic

Intelligent-can open its stall and sometimes the feed room too Sensitive-if you sneeze, you’re toastDependable-you can depend upon him to eat all his feed

Determined-that you ain’t going to ride him

Friendly-spoiled rotten and refuses to be caught unless bribed by repeated treats

Likes People-ate owner’s finger

Well Mannered-hasn’t stepped on, run over, bitten, or kicked anyone for a week

Professionally Trained-hasn’t stepped on, run over, bitten, or kicked anyone for a month

Suitable for a Professional-takes two men and a boy to saddle him

Athletic-can really buck.

Endurance Prospect-runaway and slow

Field Hunter-runaway and can’t jump

Conformation Hunter-fat and can’t jump

Dressage Prospect-can’t jump

Jumper Prospect-bad mover

Light Mouth-rears

Correct Conformation-has a head, tail and the appropriate number of legs

Big Boned-skinny, good thing he has a mane, or he would be mistaken for a cow

Fit-200 lbs under weight and hot as a pistol

Nicely Started-lunges, but we don’t have enough insurance to ride him yet

Top Show Horse-was Reserve Champion 5 years ago at a show with unusually low entries due to tornado warnings

Trail Horse-fine, as long there are no cows, children, vehicles, or white ponies in sight

Versatile Childs Pony-two speeds: graze and run off

Safe Childs Pony-foundered

Should Mature 14 Hands-currently 12 hands, dam is 12.2, sire is 12.3, every horse in pedigree back 18 generations is under 12.3, but THIS horse will defy his DNA and grow to be 14 hands!

No Guarantee-the one remaining sound leg could go at any moment

To Good Home Only-not really for sale unless you can 1) Pay twice what he is worth 2) Are willing to sign a 18 page legal document which allows current owner to tuck in beddy-bye every night

Reluctant To Sell-we would prefer to shoot him

For Sale Due To Lack Of Time-rider cannot afford to spend anymore time in the hospital

Off The Track-is never, ever allowed to return and has a police record in three states

Good Blood Lines-mother and father are also brother and sister!

Classically Bred-the only recognizable name is Man O’War six generation’s back

Raced Sound-both times he stood in the gate

Jumping Potential-jumped the outside rail in a race

Natural Jumper-always jumps out of field. Unfortunately no one has been able to stay on him for more than a couple of bucks, to determine if he jumps under saddle.

Adult Amateur Prospect-stops at anything over 3′9″

Grand Prix Prospect- jumps great AT HOME
 

Ex Eventer-bowed, big kneesGood Feet-they had better be, as the farrier has been unable to shoe herVet Check Welcome-please pay for us to find out what the !@#$ is wrong with him!Sound-responds violently to any noise, even those he makes himself

Slightly Uneven-limps badly

Recently Vetted-someone else found something REALLY wrong with this horse

Rides & Drives-rides in the van and drives us crazy with his kicking

Loads Well-however, once on the trailer he will come unglued if you try to drive anywhere

Experienced Shipper-has experience destroying trailers, vans, and planes; is best transported by rail or ship

Clips,Hauls,Loads-clippity clippity is the sound his hooves make as he hauls butt across the parking lot when you try to load him.