MyEquineSource

Determined-that you ain’t going to ride him

Friendly-spoiled rotten and refuses to be caught unless bribed by repeated treats

Likes People-ate owner’s finger

Well Mannered-hasn’t stepped on, run over, bitten, or kicked anyone for a week

Professionally Trained-hasn’t stepped on, run over, bitten, or kicked anyone for a month

Suitable for a Professional-takes two men and a boy to saddle him

Athletic-can really buck.

Endurance Prospect-runaway and slow

Field Hunter-runaway and can’t jump

Conformation Hunter-fat and can’t jump

Dressage Prospect-can’t jump

Jumper Prospect-bad mover

Light Mouth-rears

Correct Conformation-has a head, tail and the appropriate number of legs

Big Boned-skinny, good thing he has a mane, or he would be mistaken for a cow

Fit-200 lbs under weight and hot as a pistol

Nicely Started-lunges, but we don’t have enough insurance to ride him yet

Top Show Horse-was Reserve Champion 5 years ago at a show with unusually low entries due to tornado warnings

Trail Horse-fine, as long there are no cows, children, vehicles, or white ponies in sight

Versatile Childs Pony-two speeds: graze and run off

Safe Childs Pony-foundered

Should Mature 14 Hands-currently 12 hands, dam is 12.2, sire is 12.3, every horse in pedigree back 18 generations is under 12.3, but THIS horse will defy his DNA and grow to be 14 hands!

No Guarantee-the one remaining sound leg could go at any moment

To Good Home Only-not really for sale unless you can 1) Pay twice what he is worth 2) Are willing to sign a 18 page legal document which allows current owner to tuck in beddy-bye every night

Reluctant To Sell-we would prefer to shoot him

For Sale Due To Lack Of Time-rider cannot afford to spend anymore time in the hospital

Off The Track-is never, ever allowed to return and has a police record in three states

Good Blood Lines-mother and father are also brother and sister!

Classically Bred-the only recognizable name is Man O’War six generation’s back

Raced Sound-both times he stood in the gate

Jumping Potential-jumped the outside rail in a race

Natural Jumper-always jumps out of field. Unfortunately no one has been able to stay on him for more than a couple of bucks, to determine if he jumps under saddle.

Adult Amateur Prospect-stops at anything over 3′9″

Grand Prix Prospect- jumps great AT HOME
 

Slightly Uneven-limps badly

Recently Vetted-someone else found something REALLY wrong with this horse

Rides & Drives-rides in the van and drives us crazy with his kicking

Loads Well-however, once on the trailer he will come unglued if you try to drive anywhere

Experienced Shipper-has experience destroying trailers, vans, and planes; is best transported by rail or ship

Clips,Hauls,Loads-clippity clippity is the sound his hooves make as he hauls butt across the parking lot when you try to load him.

8. Learn to grab your checkbook out of your purse and write out a $200 check without even looking down.

7. Jog long distances carrying a halter and a carrot. Go ahead and tell the neighbors what you are doing; they might as well know now.

6. Affix a pair of reins to a moving freight train and practice pulling to a halt. Smile as if you are having fun.

5. Hone your fibbing skills: ” See, hon, moving hay bales is FUN! ” and, “no, really, I’m glad your lucky performance and multimillion dollar horse won the blue ribbon. I am just thankful that my hard work and actual ability won me second place”

4. Practice dialing your chiropractor’s number with both arms paralyzed to the shoulder and one foot anchoring the lead rope of a frisky horse.

3. Borrow the US Army’s slogan: Be All That You Can Be: bitten, thrown, kicked, slimed, trampled, frozen…

2. Lie face down in a puddle of mud in your most expensive riding clothes and repeat to yourself, ” This is a learning experience, this is a learning experience, this is…”

1. THE NUMBER ONE EXERCISE TO BECOME A BETTER EQUESTRIAN: Marry money.