Archive for the 'Horse Humor' Category

A Letter from Your Horse

Wednesday, October 11th, 2006

(original version)When you are tense, let me teach you to relax.When you are tense, let me teach you to relax.When you are short-tempered, let me teach you to be patient.

When you are tense, let me teach you to relax.When you are short-tempered, let me teach you to be patient.When you are short-sighted, let me teach you to see.

When you are quick to react, let me teach you to be patient.

When you are angry, let me teach you to be serene.

When you feel superior, let me teach you to be respectful.

When you are self-absorbed, let me teach you to think of greater things.

When you are arrogant, let me teach you humility.

When you are lonely, let me be your companion.

When you are tired, let me carry the load.

When you need to learn, let me teach you.

After all, I am your horse.

And now, the REAL DEAL………………..

When you are tense, let me teach you that there are lions in them thar woods and we need to leave NOW!

When you are short-tempered, let me teach yo u to slog around the pasture for an hour before you can catch me.

When you are short-sighted, let me teach you to figure out where, exactly, in the 40 acres I am hiding.

When you are quick to react, let me teach you that herbivores kick much faster and harder than omnivores.

When you are angry, let me teach you how well I can stand on my hind feet because I don’t feel like cantering on my right lead today.

When you are worried, let me entertain you with my mystery lameness.

When you feel superior, let me teach you that, mostly, you are the maid service.

When you are self-absorbed, let me teach you to PAY ATTENTION. Remember how I told you about those lions in them thar woods?

When you are arrogant, let me teach you what 1200 lbs of “YAHOO LETS GO!” can do when suitably inspired.

When you are lonely, let me be your companion. Let’s do lunch. Also, breakfast, snack and dinner.

When yo u are tired, don’t forget the 600 lbs of grain that needs to be unloaded.

When you are feeling financially secure, let me teach you the meaning of “Veterinary Services”.

When you want to learn, hang around, bud I’ll learn ya..

The Beginning of the end………….

Wednesday, October 11th, 2006

A friend gives you a horse… 
You build a small shelter…$750 
You fence in a paddock…$450 
Purchase small truck to haul hay…$12,000 
Purchase a 2 horse trailer…$2,800 
Purchase 2nd horse…$2,500 
Build larger shelter with storage…$2,000 
More fencing…$1,200 
Purchase 3rd horse…$3,000 
Purchase 4 horse trailer…$17,500 
Purchase larger truck…$23,000 
Purchase 4 acres next door…$38,000 
More fencing…$2,000 
Build small barn…$18,000 
Purchase camper for truck…$9,000 
Purchase tractor…$23,000 
Purchase 4th & 5th horse…$6,500 
Purchase 20 acres…$285,000 
Build house…$185,000 
Build barn…$56,000 
More fencing & corrals…$24,000 
Build covered arena…$182,000 
Purchase Dually…$44,000 
Purchase gooseneck w/living quarters…$45,000 
Purchase 6th, 7th & 8th horse…$10,750 
Hire full time trainer…$50,000 
Build house for trainer…$84,000 
Buy motor home for shows…$125,000 
Hire attorney — spouse leaving you for trainer…$35,000 
Declare bankruptcy, spouse gets everything. 
Friend feels sorry for you…gives you a horse…..

More horse buying humor………

Wednesday, October 11th, 2006

Event Prospect……….Big, Fast Horse
Dressage Prospect…….Big, Slow Horse
Hack Prospect………..Pretty Color
Sporting Prospect…….Short, Fast Horse
Eventing Prospect…….Ugliest head you ever saw
Camp Prospect………..Fast Horse which can turn
Endurance Prospect……Fast Horse which will turn sometimes
Flashy………………White Socks
Attractive…………. Bay
15.2hh………………14.3h
16.2hh………………15.3hh
To Loving Home Only…..Expensive
To Show Home Only…….Very Expensive
Needs Experienced Rider……..Potentially Lethal
Elegant……………..Thin
In Good Condition…….Foundered
Free Moving………….Bolts
Quiet……………….Lame in Both Front Legs
Dead Quiet…………..Lame in All Four Legs
Good in Traffic (Bombproof). Lame all Round, Deaf and Blind
Loves Children……….Kicks and Bites
Pony Type……………Small and Hairy
Arab Type……………Looks startled
TB Type……………..Looks Terrified
Quarter Horse Type……Fat
Warmblood Type……….Big and Hairy
Draught Type…………Big and Exceedingly Hairy
Easy to Catch………..Very Old
Must Sell……………Wife has left home and taking kids
All Offers Considered…I am in Traction for 6 months
Reluctant Sale……….Comes with Title Deeds to Sydney Harbor Bridge